3 Realistic Tips on Dealing with Perfectionism in Creativity and Business
Perfectionism destroys more dreams, art, and brilliant businesses than is good, as well as being the thief of joy. This fear of not being good enough comes in many disguises, so let’s take the mask off and learn how to deal with pesky perfectionism.
Until I trained as a Kaizen-Muse Creativity Coach, I had no idea I was a perfectionist. I thought you had to have a perfect appearance, like perfect nails, hair, and make-up, and be into stylish clothes.
I thought your home had to be perfect and always clean, with matching colors and designer furniture. Which is BIG here in Denmark.
I thought being a perfectionist meant living a perfect life.
My nails are short and messy, I hardly wear makeup, and my home is sometimes messy. I have 3 kids, and I choose to spend my time creating, rather than tidying up after them all the time. And anyway, they have to tidy up after themselves.
So as you can see, I'm definitely not a perfectionist.
Wrong! I'm a raving perfectionist. (Now in recovery ;))
I expect a really high standard of myself. Not succeeding at whatever I try, is not an option. It's like some bossy boss is holding me accountable in my head: succeed, or else.....!
Everyone else can look silly, make mistakes and fail. That's totally fine. I love that in people. It just doesn’t apply to me. And it's an exhausting way to live.
Another myth about being a perfectionist is that it’s being ambitious. This is also wrong.
Having a healthy ambition to do well and being a perfectionist, are two different things.
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is when you attach your self-worth to the quality and the success of your work. And not to who you are.
You make excuses to sabotage yourself because your standards are unrealistic.
It’s the fear of not being good enough in the eyes of others.
You have little, or no joy in your process, because of the pressure, judgment, comparison, and harsh negative thinking, that comes from yourself.
And even when you get praise, or someone likes your work, you still don't feel joy. Because you don't feel good enough. (This one, in particular, breaks my heart.)
You only see what is wrong, and completely ignore what is right, and good.
You can't stand being bad at something, even as a beginner. So you give up quickly, or you convince yourself and others, that this is stupid. You don't stick around long enough to learn and get better.
You hate making mistakes, because you're not meant to! Everyone else is, but not you.
You have an all-or-nothing way of thinking.
3 gentle tips on dealing with perfectionism in creativity and business
It will take practice. I won't lie to you. You will have to practice not letting perfectionism get in the way of creating and building your business.
As perfectionism is a way of thinking, the following tips will work whether you create art, write a blog post, design your website, create a product or course, etc.
These are gentle practices, the keyword being practice.
Awareness is huge.
Catching your all-or-nothing, self-critical thinking, is such a brilliant awareness step, that simply being aware that you're engaging in perfectionist behavior the next time you create, can be the difference between stopping and giving it a try.
If you do catch your self-criticism, the next step could be to see if you can lower your expectations a little.
Maybe ask yourself this:
How can I lower expectations of myself just a little bit?
2. Practice stopping at "good enough"
When you find yourself obsessing over details, or stressing over getting something perfect, see if you can practice saying, "ok, this is good enough".
Because our standard is so high as perfectionists, we tend to go above and beyond. We expect 120% of ourselves all the time, so if we just lower our expectations a little bit, and stop when we think something is OK, or good enough, it’s probably at 100%
This particular tip has helped me loads.
Saying “that’ll do” is the only way I get any creative work done. From writing to taking photographs, I aim for imperfect, good enough.
3. Shifting focus from result to having a creative process based on self-love and compassion.
This has been a game-changer for me, and most of my clients.
Your specific and personal creative process is what my coaching is about.
There is only the process, if you want to create new work, if you want to change direction, and create your dreams.
Self-compassion is being compassionate with yourself when something is difficult.
If your best friend told you she was having a really tough time, you wouldn’t tell her to just get on with it. You’d be kind and compassionate.
That is the same compassion you’d show yourself if you were struggling with your work.
The idea of being self-compassionate is a foreign concept for us perfectionists, but Kristen Neff’s research shows, that it makes us more creative, resilient, and all-round nicer people.
Loving myself when I make mistakes and fail, means I find the courage to try again.
I recommend Kristen Neff’s book Self-Compassion.
As a “recovering perfectionist” myself and through my work as a creativity coach, I know only too well the negative effects of perfectionism. The ripple effects are many, they run deep, and they are difficult to change.
That’s the truth about perfectionism and why it’s important to deal with it.
If you want more help to work through your perfectionism
You are really not alone in having unrealistic expectations of yourself. It's almost like a human condition. You are normal, there is nothing abnormal about you.
Promise me you won’t beat yourself up for beating yourself up, ok? :)
My guess is you're a lovely person, doing the best you can, with the knowledge you have.
If you’d like more help to work through your perfectionism, here are two resources for you:
If you found this post useful, I’d love for you to get my emails too. That’s a place I share most of what is going on in front and behind the scenes.